Making the Connection

"Our first child was so perfect. She was smart and talented. When she went to school, she did everything just like she was supposed to. Things went well. Then our second daughter was born...well, she was different than the first. She had a learning problem. Her teacher told us, 'if you had had only one child, you would have thought you were the best parents in the world'."

The speaker says, "You are kind of like that--only backwards. If you had had only two children you would have thought you were the worst parents in the world."

Raising children. Hmm, that's a very difficult topic.

In the preface of the book the author writes--When I was right out of college I had ten rules for raising children...but no children. Now I have children, and ...not one of my rules is left.-- Sound familiar?

Rule number one: Never think you 'know it all'. 1Corinthians 10:12 Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

My friend Lin says in embarrassment, "I used to take my two perfect daughters to church and they sat and were just as good! And I never quite understood why those 'other kids' were noisy, and...they just weren't as well behaved as my two. Then Charity was born. I have repented of my previous attitude, I don't know how many times!"

I don't know how many times, as I watched some childish misbehavior, I have at least thought "I would just die, if my children ever did that!' and turned around to find that, yes indeed, there they were--doing the same thing...or something worse! And no, I didn't die, but I was looking for the proverbial 'hole in the ground'.

"I have never met any 'perfect parents'," my son says as he waves his fork in the air.

"No, there are no perfect parents, that's true," someone says agreeing. "But I know several people who BELIEVE they are the perfect parents."

What is the measure of a 'good parent'? Is it that all of your children are perfect?

"I just look and see how people's children have turned out...then I follow what they have done."

Really? The problem with that is all things are never quite equal. What may look like the 'perfect' plan with one child or in one family, may not be right with another child, or in another family. We can (and often do) listen to the experts tell us how and what to do, but honestly most experts aren't--experts. One book I have found helpful (after, of course, almost all of my children were raised) is 'Train Up a Child' by Gwendolyn Webb. There were common sense answers to common problems.

"Spanking children teaches them violence," my acquaintance states knowledgeably.

"If that is so, why is it MY generation (and most previous ones as well) that were disciplined by spanking were not as violent per se, and the Spock and forward generations that are undisciplined are much more violent?" I question. She has no answer.

Luke 7:35 And wisdom is justified of all her children.

"Well, they may not have been perfect parents, but they were the best ones I had!"

One thing we all need to keep in mind are the teachings of God. God's answers are right, and He is the Perfect Parent.

The parent/child cycle will continue. The child today will be the parent of tomorrow. What seems unfair to the child today, may make perfect sense to the parent of tomorrow.

And God's ways are the key to having happy successful homes and families.

It is most always easier to raise children...when you are a child. Children often can tell Dad and Mom how to raise children. Or it is often easy to raise children...when you have no children....

Proverbs 16:2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; But Jehovah weigheth the spirits. 3) Commit thy works unto Jehovah, And thy purposes shall be established.

More...

"Well, that's just your opinion," someone answers crossly when you point out the need for...well, just about anything they don't want to do.

At what point does failure to do what God commands become something that will cost a person their soul?

Acts 2:38 And Peter said unto them, Repent ye, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ unto the remission of your sins; and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Two older women sit reading and studying their Bibles together. One of the ladies turns to Acts 2:38 and says to her companion, "See, right here, we are commanded to be baptized. It says plainly--repent and be baptized--."

"It doesn't say that in my Bible," the other woman says.

The first woman can't believe her friend is so blind, "Well, just turn to Acts 2:38 and you can read it yourself!" she insists.

"It isn't in my Bible," the other woman says testily. "I cut it out."

How many of us would be so bold, yet, how many do that very thing if not in fact at least in their own mind.

"I just don't think God will judge me in this..."

We know there are sins of omission, and sins of commission. The ones are sins of things we fail to do for whatever reason, and the other are sins we commit...for whatever reason.

Luke 12:47 And that servant, who knew his lord's will, and made not ready, nor did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes; 48) but he that knew not, and did things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. And to whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required: and to whom they commit much, of him will they ask the more.

What a quandary, to be beaten by the Lord, or to be beaten by the people.

Ezekiel 33:6 But if the watchman see the sword come, and blow not the trumpet, and the people be not warned, and the sword come, and take any person from among them; he is taken away in his iniquity, but his blood will I require at the watchman's hand.

Some things seem so simple that people don't see the sense of it and therefore decide they don't need to do it. However, just because you don't see the need...

"Well," the speaker gives the illustration, "the young man's father is going on a trip. And he tells the son, "Son while I'm gone I want you to fix the fence over here, plant a tree in this spot here by the fence, and paint the barn red."

The father leaves, and the son looks things over. Indeed, the fence needs repair, and the tree will go nicely where his father wants it planted, so he follows those instructions. After all that is finished he goes down to the barn and inspects that project, but decides that his father is wrong, that barn doesn't really need painted....

"In what has the son followed his father's instructions?" the speaker asks. "In nothing." He decided what he would do, and as long as it agreed with what he WANTED to do--that's what he did. He did what he wanted to do."

So, the question comes to each of us...what are we doing? What are you doing? What am I doing? Let us do the will of the Father.

Matthew 17:5 While he was yet speaking, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold, a voice out of the cloud, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him.

Luke 20:13 And the lord of the vineyard said, What shall I do? I will send my beloved son; it may be they will reverence him. 14) But when the husbandmen saw him, they reasoned one with another, saying, This is the heir; let us kill him, that the inheritance may be ours. 15) And they cast him forth out of the vineyard, and killed him. What therefore will the lord of the vineyard do unto them? 16) He will come and destroy these husbandmen, and will give the vineyard unto others. And when they heard it, they said, God forbid.

What can we learn? First thing: Jesus is the beloved Son. Second thing: we are commanded to hear (follow and obey) Him. And third, if we don't reverence him--The obvious conclusion is we will be destroyed. Only two choices, only two paths.

Hallelujah! What a Saviour!

From Grandma's Button Box

"Mom, I need a couple-a-buttons sewed on my coveralls."

"Oh, you do? Why's that?" I ask.

"They have gotten baggy, and they would be more...snug this way," he demonstrates--showing me where he wants the extra buttons placed. "Will you do that for me?"

Time, you know, is always short these days, but later in the evening I do indeed have him pull out my 'button box'--actually an 'antique' can with a screw on lid.

"Ho, buddy, what about this one?" I hold up a gold filigree button. His look of disdain and a short, "hmp" is his answer. I chuckle and continue to sort through the pretty buttons scattered on my table.

We do find two buttons, I mark where he wants them placed, and I begin sewing them on. I pause to look at the button box buttons still scattered where I left them. My mind wanders back to my Grandma's button box as I look at the many pretty buttons.

"There is a story of a young girl who made a necklace from pretty buttons from her mother's button box. There are stories of important people using their buttons as special signs to other people who have befriended them....

Matthew 13:47 Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a net, that was cast into the sea, and gathered of every kind: 48) which, when it was filled, they drew up on the beach; and they sat down, and gathered the good into vessels, but the bad they cast away. 49) So shall it be in the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the righteous, 50) and shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be the weeping and the gnashing of teeth.

I am reminded of the 'net' that was cast into the sea and gathered of every kind. I can look through the button box, and indeed, there are every kind of button. From the intricate lacy gold button to the plain functional plastic button. There are many different colors, shapes, and sizes. I have every kind of button imaginable, but buttons, no matter whether fancy or plain, have a purpose.

"Oh, look--the shank is broken off this button. It is rather pretty, but it isn't any good!"

I have pondered over this parable of Jesus for many years. It wasn't until I was teaching a young girls class that I began to comprehend the message. If the kingdom--the church--is like unto a net that gathered of every kind, then when they sat down and began to 'sort through' the contents of the kingdom...

Many people believe that once they obey the gospel their ticket is punched for heaven. They are part of the kingdom and they are on their way!

Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God afore prepared that we should walk in them.

There seems to be two schools of thought: one--that we are saved THROUGH our own good works, or two--that we can't do anything to gain salvation. Well, yes and no. We can't EARN our salvation, but just like a broken button that is pretty, if we don't fulfill our purpose we are useless. As Ephesians says we are: "created in Christ Jesus FOR good works".

I want to be 'gathered into the vessels with the good', not like 'the bad they cast away'. Therefore, getting one's ticket punched is a good start. It is a necessary part, but it is only part.

Philippians 3:12 Not that I have already obtained, or am already made perfect: but I press on, if so be that I may lay hold on that for which also I was laid hold on by Christ Jesus. 13) Brethren, I count not myself yet to have laid hold: but one thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, 14) I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Let us continue to press on, lay hold, stretch forward--unto the prize, unto the high calling of God...in Christ Jesus!

Past...and Present

I listened to the speaker as she briefly related the highlights of her life. Her actions carried to my ears and eyes a slightly different message than what she was saying with her mouth. "My mother was a single mom, and life was hard for her..."

What I felt she was saying was: "I know it was hard for her...my brain accepts that...it was hard for me, and in my heart I still hurt."

Anger, resolved or unresolved, sometimes it is hard to let go. We often seek to understand things, wrestling with emotional demons that continually throw us to the ground. These feelings can make us feel unworthy, unloved, and often as not unloving.

Colossians 3:12 Put on therefore, as God's elect, holy and beloved, a heart of compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, longsuffering; 13) forbearing one another, and forgiving each other, if any man have a complaint against any; even as the Lord forgave you, so also do ye:

It is at times hard to forgive the slights that happen on a day to day basis, but time often dulls the antagonistic feeling from people's unkind or thoughtless words or actions.

The baggage we carry from childhood appears to be that which wounds the deepest.

"That woman doesn't deserve your love or compassion!" My cousin has just found out that my mother is dying of cancer.

As a Christian we are commanded to forgive...from the heart.

Have you ever seen children playing and the one play fellow does something...takes the others turn or toy, or perhaps pushes or shoves--most of us have witnessed the scene. Then the offender is brought to justice: "Say you're sorry...right now!"

Little tyke mumbles into his/her shirt something that sounds much like the words, "I'm sorry". But are they? And if they are what are they sorry for? If they are sorry for anything it is usually that they have been caught.

"She really wasn't a very good mother, was she?" Another cousin states.

"No, she wasn't," I answer with a sigh. But my mind goes back. I'm not thirty any more...matter-of-fact in a year and a half I'll be the same age she was when she passed away. I think back to the time when I was twenty, twenty-five, thirty--could I have navigated those years any better--or even as well--without God?

I remember the difficulties we went through raising our children. It was not easy--not even for two--let alone a single person. I am not excusing nor accusing. She made her decisions, and good or bad we all partook of the fruit of those decisions.

Ephesians 4:32 and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you.

Emotions are tough things to get around. I am still ashamed at my attitude as a young person. My mother married and divorced four times--twice to the last man--wending her way through life--as many would say today--doing things HER way. I remember my mother at one point when life looked pretty bleak, crying, "I just want to be loved."

I was not old enough to love beyond the hurt, and I was honest enough I could not reach out and say to her, "I love you," or even express in a hopeful mode, "I will love you, someday".

No, she wasn't a very good mother, but how many of us would stand up to our own scrutiny? She wasn't a bad person, just a lost and lonely person. Not being able to change the past, there is no reason to dwell on, or agonize over it.

Human nature being what it is, why do most people--instead of learning and changing from painful childhoods--follow in those same paths?

"Oh, that person had a traumatic childhood. That is why they..."

Excuse me? Exactly--that is an excuse, but not a reason. When people follow in those paths it is because they CHOOSE to follow in them. The paths of least resistance, you see.

Lamentations 3:22 It is of Jehovah's lovingkindnesses that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 23) They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. 24) Jehovah is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

1Corinthians 15:10 But by the grace of God I am what I am:....

Hallelujah! What a Saviour!