If I Should Die Before I Wake...

How did I get here? I have many times wondered how things come about. I may be looking through pictures and wonder, 'what happened to that dish that I had, that dress that I was wearing (in the picture), and sometimes I wonder--what happened to that person that I used to be?

'Life makes cowards of us all.' One of my unfamous quotes. I question why...why didn't I speak up, shut up, or stand up? There are many times when one of those things would have been appropriate, but I did something different to my shame, and --at times--to my horror.

The questionnaire asked, "What are your goals in life?" Answer? I want to follow God and be the 'best' Christian I can be... I look backward and realize I have failed. I have failed in many cases to finish the things I wanted, and in some cases, needed to do. I have dropped my cross many times. It became heavy and I just dropped it. Maybe I took on too much (didn't Jesus say my burden is light?), or I lacked faith (Jesus did say 'if ye have faith the size of a mustard seed'). I do not know what the cause, I'm sure Jesus knows, but I've failed.

Doing the right thing...If I had the money I would--give to missionaries, help struggling family members to make ends meet, start a good work, in short do good things, but...doing the right thing isn't about money.

Doing the right thing is, well, about doing the right thing. It's about being alive to those around you. About being alive to those to whom you have a duty to. But foremost, it's about doing what the will of God is.

There are many 'needy' in the world today. However, I can't meet everyone's needs. I can not wave my magic wand (yes, I've tried that too) and have everything 'come out right'. I must discern who--and how--God wants me to help.

God first. I must put God and spiritual things first. I must pray and study and order my life around God and his will. After God, I have a duty to my family, to my friends, and to my neighbors...in that order. That is why in my article "Busyness", I wrote about the necessity of doing our own 'job' and not what someone else should be doing. It is not my duty to clean your house, raise your children, or even teach your children the Bible. And if I take over someone's job/duty that is not mine, I fail to let you succeed in your task--and ultimately--I will fail in my task. I will not be there for those whom it is my duty to be there for--because I will, erroneously, be trying to do your task.

When I was growing up we always seemed to be ahead of our time. For instance, it was rumored that my aunt had a beauticians license. Whether she did or not...she was deemed to be qualified to 'give us permanents'. For those who don't know, she would buy one of the boxed home permanents, and proceed to 'curl' our hair. And curl she did...smile. I remember getting my hair permed--usually in the fall. In May when the weather turned hot during the last days of school--my head would sweat--and stink just like the permanent I had received seven or eight months earlier. I had an 'afro' long before it became popular in the '70's! There was having a 'single' mother and being a 'latch key kid' before the term was ever coined...before it became popular. And working summers to earn money for school...not having a father, and having an alcoholic mother...
Looking around at my children's generation, the generation of the ones with metal protruding from their faces and bodies. Many of which are on alcohol and drugs...I wonder what ever happened to morals? But even more frightening, because our family was so far ahead of our generation--that's where my children would have been. My sister and I should have had metal protruding from our faces and bodies, and tattoos, and...my children would have been the abused children. However, Jesus and God made a difference in My life--and my children's lives, but...
Why only for a short while? Some people point and say it's because of a lack in something we the parents did, or did not do. We failed to teach, we failed, some say and in some way it's the whole, 'generation that knoweth not God,' syndrome. However, God made a difference in my life, and has meant so much for my children's lives, why has it not been passed on to and through them. He will mean even less to their children. The difference between choosing heaven or hell. A good life with good choices or something much less.

Relative religion. "You're okay, I'm okay. We're all going to heaven only taking different routes." It is sad to see people we love pass into eternity unprepared, but --should we fail to teach our own? fail to guide our own? even fail to prepare our self-- because others we love are unprepared? We aren't 'okay' just because we want to believe we are...don't you believe it!

Too many times I thought I knew what needed to be done--it looked so obvious! But, I have failed--because I have failed to pray, and failed to pray, and failed to pray...
I allowed myself to get caught up in busyness and did not discern the real need. The real need was--and still is--to stop allowing Satan to dictate what we should, and need, to be doing. Stop allowing him to dictate what our 'task' is. We need to turn to God, and follow Him.

What is the purpose here? The purpose is to call on others to realize what they are doing, and change. The purpose is also to share a few insights. Insights such as:

Reject cliche's. (Not everyone is doing it. Not all children will rebel. Letting children be children only goes so far...[note here,parents should still dictate the rules]...these are only a few cliche's) Pushing children into the gutter so they can be a 'good example' to their peers/society is not a good idea. Give them what they need. Too many times I have heard-- I didn't have anything when we were growing up and I don't want that for my children! However, giving children too much causes them to be lazy and unthankful. Give them the right things...give them love, discipline, commitment, and work. Teach them thankfulness. Point out the numerous blessings they, and you have each day. Teach them to take responsibility. When things go wrong-- what is their part in it?...sometimes it isn't their fault, but if it is, don't sluff it off on someone else. I did it; I made a mistake...almost as hard to say as I'm sorry, I was wrong!

Who are you? how did you get where you are? More important, where are you going? Take a stand, change your course, and make a difference for Christ.